The Library Spy

The Dreamer is outside, in the woods, with a group of friends. They are all spies.

Among the spies are an old friend, Ed. He was a Risk Taker. The group is supposed to steak out an enemy camp. The Dreamer has guns in his backpack. There are too many and clumsily packed. The group gets to their location: it’s a school. They go inside. The Dreamer is browsing the library stacks. The Dreamer sees some works of Jung. A student from the school is looking at a work of Jung that has gold letters. Then a librarian asks the Dreamer questions, who he is and why he is there. The Dreamer responds with honesty and the librarian is satisfied with his answers.

The Dreamer is now in the bathroom. There are noises in the stall next door. The Risk Taker is in there, constipated.

Context: Ed was a childhood friend; he was wild. He died in 1998 by suicide or accident, at 16 years old. It was unclear if the death was due to suicide or accident. He jumped off of a three story parking garage outside of a hospital. Another friend, who was present with him, said that he was intoxicated and jumped on purpose outside of a hospital to increase his chances of survival. The death was impactful on me, and the story of the death never made sense.

Associations: The life of a spy sounds like a thrilling occupation. But I also find sharing knowledge to be quite thrilling, in a safer way.

Feelings: thrill, frustration