Masculinity

The Dreamer is inside a shopping mall with his Wife. The Dreamer is dressed in an unusual way, more creatively than usual. The Dreamer’s Wife goes inside of a luxury store. The Dreamer goes inside for a moment and then decides that it is not for him. Then the Dreamer is outside of the store, on a massage table. There is a row of massage tables. This is the middle of a lecture. Then the lecturer, unknown effeminate male, introduces himself to the Dreamer and the Dreamer introduces himself to the unknown male (like Will from Will and Grace). Then the Dreamer is inside of the apartment of the unknown male and he is recounting a cute story about a dog named “Cole Hahn” that was found on the street. Then the Dreamer’s dog Charlie is licking the Dreamer’s face.

Then the Dreamer is inside of an event. The Dreamer is seated at a round black table. Then the Dreamer sees a grammar school friend, Tom in the distance Then he sees a high school friend John Cirpallis in the distance. John is well dressed in a suit. Then the Dreamer shakes John’s hand. John tells the Dreamer that his handshake is too firm, that he should lighten up his handshake. Then someone in a tie-died sweater tries to sit at the same table. The people at the table laugh him away and make a comment about “as if he belonged there”. Then the Dreamer is standing in a line, leaving the event. The Dreamer’s Uncle Joe is in front of him in line. Someone is handing out childhood photos of the Dreamer. Uncle Joe takes a childhood photo of the Dreamer in Little League. Then the Dreamer is outside. Patrick Kinney and someone else are standing by the road, like attendants. Pat picks the Dreamer up and puts him on his shoulders. Queue the Cheers soundtrack.

Then the Dreamer is outside of a mansion, looking for the owner of the mansion. He is told the owner lives in this adjacent building. The Dreamer looks down, the building is in the earth, covered in dirt. The Dreamer sees through a window nothing but a wood-burning stove and stacks of kindling. Then the Dreamer looks through a porthole window. Inside is a servant from the distant past.

Then the Dreamer is inside of an event, like his sister’s graduation. Then the Dreamer’s grandparents Paul and Violet are on the stage. Paul is looking at the Dreamer with an angry face. Then the Dreamer makes some snarky comment to his Grandfather Paul about how he does not belong on the stage. Then the Dreamer is recounting a dream to his Grandpa about playing golf.

Then the Dreamer is inside of a family event. He is sitting on a couch with his sister. He is making some stuffed animals do a satire skit, like he used to do when they were little children.

Then the Dreamer is outside of a school parking lot. He is coordinating plans with his family. The Dreamer gives his old college car to his step brother, Tom. Then he gets into the driver seat of a little sports car, and kicks it into high gear. He surprises himself with the high gear, and kicks it back into regular gear. His college friend Paul is in the passenger seat. Then the Dreamer tells Paul that he should be driving that car. Then the Dreamer is waiting in a parking lot. Then the Dreamer tries to call his Father, Jeff. The first call goes to a medical voicemail. The Dreamer checks his phone and sees that he has dialed the wrong number. Then the Dreamer calls another number and his Father answers. The Dreamer asks where Tom is. The Father responds that he doesn’t know where Tom is, that he went out. The Dreamer says that Tom was supposed to return the car to him so that he can get to the event. The Father is ambivalent, says “oh”, and then there is silence.

Context:

Motifs: shopping mall, luxury stores, round tables

Associations: creative dress, not masculine; dress, made fun of; John, Joe, and Patrick are all police officers; Grandpa Paul was very sarcastic

Feelings: insecurity (at being dressed creatively), anger at the handshake correction, invisible (in line with Uncle Joe), sexual arousal (at being on the shoulders), sense of belonging (cheers soundtrack), curiosity (about the master of the mansion who lives simply), anger at Grandpa Paul, insecurity (trying to fit in with Grandpa Paul), happiness (with sister), responsibility (coordinating the family), confusion (in the wrong vehicle in the wrong gear), fear (of being left behind), fear (of father’s ambivalence)

Interpretation: This is a dream about an attitude toward masculinity, “what it means to be a man”. The Dreamer is insecure (about being a person who dresses creatively, likes cute puppies, does satirical theatrical skits with his sister, wants to drive an unusual little sports car) and takes on a heteronormative persona (the “right” handshake, the “right” dress, Little League, golf, typical male sarcasm, family responsibilities, drives a safe SUV). He is afraid that if he does not do this that he will be “left behind” by the Father or face the Father’s (scary) silence and ambivalence. The male persona he has developed has been a “defensive mechanism” (police). The Dreammaker is suggesting that the origin of this charge is way back in a time when the Dreamer used to be carried on the shoulders of his Father. That he saw then certain male behavior modeled, or what it meant to be a man was to be strong, standing tall, “on the shoulders of giants”. Perhaps the Dreammaker is suggesting that these heteronormative attributes are inauthentic to the Dreamer’s personality, or that the “master version” of the personality is a man who tends a fire and lives more simply.